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Saturday, November 24, Dearwebby Today's Bonehead Award: Seek simplicity, and distrust it. The Students in my third-grade class were bombarding me with questions about my newly pierced ears.
He was constantly pestering the pastor to give him some work that would be helpful to the church.
The pastor said, "What I want you to do is get these people back to church, however you can. Bill Richardson, Secretary of Energy Dear staff members: Due to an unfortunate and silly overreaction by the Republicans in Congress to our minor difficulties in the security area, we're being forced to tighten up just a bit.
The brown paper bag in which we store the computer disk drives that contain the nation's nuclear secrets will no longer be left on the picnic table at the staff commissary during lunch hour. It will be stored in "the vault.
The three-letter security code for accessing "the vault" will no longer be "B-O-B. Please don't tell anybody. Visiting scientists and graduate students from Libya, North Korea and mainland China will no longer be allowed to wander the hallways without proper identification.
Beginning Monday, they will be required to wear a stick-on lapel tag that clearly states, "Hello, My Name Is. The computer network used for scientific calculations will no longer be hyper linked via the Internet to such Web sites as www.
Links to all Disney sites will be maintained, however. Researchers bearing a security clearance of Level 5 and higher will no longer be permitted to exchange updates on their work by posting advanced-physics formulas on the men's room walls.
On "Bowling Night," please check your briefcases and laptop computers at the front counter of the Bowl-a-Drome instead of leaving them in the cloakroom.
Badonov, the front-counter supervisor, has promised to "keep un eye on zem" for us. Staff members will no longer be allowed to take home small amounts of plutonium, iridium or uranium for use in those "little weekend projects around the house.
Thermonuclear devices may no longer be checked out for "recreational use. We'll keep you posted. Employees may no longer "borrow" the AA batteries from the burglar alarm system to power their Game Boys and compact-disc players during working hours.
And, finally, when reporting for work each day, all employees must enter through the front door. Raoul, the janitor, will no longer admit employees who tap three times on the side door to avoid clocking in late. I know this crackdown might seem punitive and oppressive to many of you, but it is our sworn duty to protect the valuable national secrets that have been entrusted to our care.
Thanks for your votes! Pennsylvania Mother drove two miles to police station with son, 12, on auto's hood A Pennsylvania mother drove two miles with her year-son on the hood of her car, according to police who yesterday arrested the woman on a pair of endangerment charges.
As alleged in a criminal complaint, Shaurice Jones and her son quarreled last week when she drove the boy to a local dentist. The child, cops say, refused to go into the office. The speed limit on the road Jones traveled is 40 mph. It appears Jones went to the precinct in the hopes that cops would mediate the family dental dispute.
Pictured above, Jones has been charged with endangering the welfare of a child, a felony, and reckless endangerment, a misdemeanor. Jones lives in Bath, a Lehigh Valley borough.
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That is the last time she will ever ask the police for help! Filters not working Dear Webby I have made filters to filter out spam that has all the common terms used by spammers.
Yet more and more spams that has exactly those words in the subject line gets through anyway. The filters work some of the time but not at other times. Is that MailWasher's fault or what's going on?
Derrick Dear Derrick If you look into the header of those spams you will see some weird gobbledigook in the spot where plain words are showing if you read it with MailWasher or an email program. The gobbledigook is just the character codes in a different font.
It is normally preceded with some stuff that contains: ISO-" in the entire header. I catch about a dozen spams a day with that filter, and I have never seen a legitimate mail that had that combination of characters in the header. No need to re-install them.Not forgetting a blooming coffee culture, with artisan roasters and one- of- a- kind coffee shops studded on every trendy street.
Shop leading brands at the Waterfront mall, the hipster boutiques on Bree and Loop Streets or find something that speaks to you at a character- filled market.
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