That e'er wore earth about him, was a sufferer, A soft, meek, patient, humble, tranquil spirit, The first true gentleman that ever breathed. Thomas Dekker Since my dear soul was mistress of her choice, And could of men distinguish her election, Sh'hath sealed thee for herself, for thou hast been As one in suff'ring all that suffers nothing, A man that Fortune's buffets and rewards Hast ta'en with equal thanks; and blest are those Whose blood and judgement are so well co-medled, That they are not a pipe for Fortune's finger To sound what stop she please: Shakespeare Our page-content will now turn to a more explicit coverage of the faith versus reason debate.
Things started to change when Mark began using conflict resolution skills.
Now I take a step back, breathe deep, and listen. The more I do that, the easier it is to solve problems. Conflicts can actually lead to increased understanding and creative thinking. In this era of school and workplace shootings, road rage, airport rage, and even supermarket rage, knowing how to resolve conflicts can save a life.
Beyond that, conflict resolution skills can improve relationships and deepen understanding. Based on methods from diplomacy and counseling, these guidelines were initially developed for use in public schools. The results were so good that teachers, parents, and school administrators began using them in their own lives.
Now this system is being used internationally. Take a step back, breathe deep, and gain some emotional distance before trying to talk things out. If I try to skip this step, my words are too emotionally loaded. Consider some of the following: Some people need physical release, while others need something quiet and cerebral.
Determine what works for you, then use it next time you get angry. Each person restates what they heard the other person say.
Reflective listening demonstrates that we care enough to hear the other person out, rather than just focusing on our own point of view. It actually fosters empathy. Mark Burnes describes how he used reflective listening the time he walked into the middle of a shouting match between his ex-wife and teen-aged son.
In the past I might have shouted for them to stop, only to have been drawn into the fray. Instead I took a deep breath, gathered my thoughts, and chose my words carefully. I calmly asked them each if they could tell me what had happened.
Then I reflected back what they said. My willingness to listen helped them listen too. In the majority of conflicts, both parties have some degree of responsibility.
However, most of us tend blame rather than looking at our own role in the problem. When we take responsibility we shift the conflict into an entirely different gear, one where resolution is possible. Fifty-two year old Nancy Martin talked about how taking responsibility averted a major falling-out with her husband.
When my husband Bill spotted me puttering around in the living room, he completely lost it. At the sound of his angry voice, I responded defensively, and then we were on our way to an ugly confrontation.
But this time, instead of going into my defensive posture I walked away for a few minutes, took some deep breaths, and got my bearings. When I walked back into the room I was able to hear him out. Bill told me that he was so frustrated at having to wait for me whenever we went out.
He also spoke about punctuality as something he highly valued. As I listened to his words a funny thing happened: I realized he was right.
I did need to get a handle on my habitual lateness. It was then that I apologized. My husband ended up giving me a hug and thanking me. What might have become a full-blown fight actually turned into a moment of drawing closer. Brainstorm solutions and come up with one that satisfies both people.
Resolving conflicts is a creative act. There are many solutions to a single problem. The key is a willingness to seek compromises. Kindergarten teacher Connie Long describes how her students started having fewer conflicts when they learned how to brainstorm solutions:The Plan to Resolve Any Family Conflict.
How to navigate the murky waters of family conflict without destroying your relationships. If you do not, there could be more to lose than to gain. Below are some steps to help change the communication style within your family and that will help improve the relationships so everyone feels that they.
To arrive at the edge of the world's knowledge, seek out the most complex and sophisticated minds, put them in a room together, and have them ask each other the questions they are asking themselves.
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